The Journal of… An American Girl in Wales 

Alan Lee illustration from ‘The Dream of Rhonabwy’, from ‘The Mabinogion’

The Beginnng of the Return

It’s funny how life changes all around you when you know your are loved. There’s a certain confidence when you become part of someone’s other half.

The way you greet me in your arms with a warm smile, asking what’s wrong when I give you a certain look.  It was to be different this time. “What is wrong, Are you alright?” I asked. He just looked away and sighed, wiping a tear away from his cheek. tell me what is wrong.” I had just informed him I had to go back to America for a few weeks. His heart was pierced, so was mine. 

Finally, he turned to me and reached around my, holding his hand on my back, but he pulled back and shook his head. “I know how much you love me, I’m so happy you came into my life. It’s not easy being apart even just for a few weeks.

My eyes became wide and I shook my head at him. “Darling it will get better soon enough, please just be patient with me!” I hugged him before I left for Texas and began to sob into his chest, not wanting him to leave him. We both cried. 

He wiped the tears from my eyes and I gave him one last kiss on his cheek, then getting up. “I’ll miss your close company that you brought every day.”

We got up and he gave me a quick hug, not saying a word, drove me to the terminal and walked away leaving him standing there alone. 

The silence on the way to the airport was even more heartbreaking. I left him standing there, as I looked through the glass doors and sighed, gut wrenching; walking to my gate, grabbing my journal and a pen. 

For some reason, whenever I picked up the pen, I felt tingles in my body, which I just assumed was a coincidence. It was the same monte blanc pen you gave me and the same pink moleskin journal you gave me for Christmas. 

Yes, I picked up a pen because I seemed familiar and comforting in that moment while I was sitting there waiting for my flight. They had become my companions. Although a slight ease from the pain of our separation. 

I opened up my journal and clicked open the pen, pushing it to the pad. Carefully, I wrote in the best handwriting I could, even though it didn’t matter because no one else would see it. It read:

“Today, my heart was in despair when i left Wales. In the last Six months, this one person that I love him so much and I just wish that there was a way that we could still be together. If I could I would do anything to have that change to be with him.

But alas, I don’t believe that there is anything that I can do, but follow the rules So, I guess I will have to live with a broken heart for a while until I return to my beloved. 

Just then, it hit me and I nearly fell off of my chair, dropping my pen. I cringed in pain. 

Suddenly, I paused and looked to my journal, walking over and reading over my writing again. 

Then, I looked at the pen and shook my head. “This can’t be real.” I picked up the pen, and I realised my world can be resolved by with pen in hand. I knew what I needed to do and made a list of things that needed to happen before I could return. 

And now it’s been a few weeks, the list is almost completed, but most of all; I had a chance to write it all down, otherwise I might have never been able to return to you. 

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